Tuesday, April 24, 2007
Man Admits to Buying Pubic Hair Online
Trenton, NJ - Revenue from American purchases online last year shot past the previous record of 7.4 Billion in a continuing trend of consumer faith in the markets. Amongst that 7.4 Billion was a modest purchase of 23.5 USD on ebay, by a bidder now being called the "Highest Puber".
Qwan Sang-Quil stepped forward yesterday, out of the limelight and into alternative history books as the first man to purchase pubic hair through the online auction site. Although he cited email forward pseudo-fame as a deciding factor in his admittance, it was also discovered that he was not entirely pleased with the purchase. Sang-Quil, (racially dubbed "Ho Chi Pube" by FOX broadcasting) informed reporters for the Associated Press today that "Although it has been embarrasing reading and re-reading my story in email forwards and on blogs, I felt it would be best to tell my story to the world to deter anyone interested in fine hair from the mons pubis and remind them that the old saying 'caveat emptor' still holds true." Sang-Quil went on to say that the product was not as advertised, and the seller will certainly lose credibility from a small, but powerful group of well-informed hair-buyers on ebay: "The mat was neither thin nor black. I found traces of blonde-22 hair, indicating that Smiley-555 had likely added a female's hair to prop up the product". Dissapointed, but also quite satisfied at having seen his face and name on FOX, Sang-Quil has not yet decided whether or not he intends to employ the hair.
Smiley-555 was unavailable for comment at the time of press. His ebay seller history lodged only one reasonable comment; "I can't believe you made twenty bucks!", and despite Sang-Quil's speculations, his ratings had increased to 4.89 smileys out of five.
On the Onion today, Bradley Makelka, Chief in Charge of Drafting noted that "[Sang-Quil's] story is no big deal, we ran a brief like that in early '01 anyways".
Qwan Sang-Quil stepped forward yesterday, out of the limelight and into alternative history books as the first man to purchase pubic hair through the online auction site. Although he cited email forward pseudo-fame as a deciding factor in his admittance, it was also discovered that he was not entirely pleased with the purchase. Sang-Quil, (racially dubbed "Ho Chi Pube" by FOX broadcasting) informed reporters for the Associated Press today that "Although it has been embarrasing reading and re-reading my story in email forwards and on blogs, I felt it would be best to tell my story to the world to deter anyone interested in fine hair from the mons pubis and remind them that the old saying 'caveat emptor' still holds true." Sang-Quil went on to say that the product was not as advertised, and the seller will certainly lose credibility from a small, but powerful group of well-informed hair-buyers on ebay: "The mat was neither thin nor black. I found traces of blonde-22 hair, indicating that Smiley-555 had likely added a female's hair to prop up the product". Dissapointed, but also quite satisfied at having seen his face and name on FOX, Sang-Quil has not yet decided whether or not he intends to employ the hair.
Smiley-555 was unavailable for comment at the time of press. His ebay seller history lodged only one reasonable comment; "I can't believe you made twenty bucks!", and despite Sang-Quil's speculations, his ratings had increased to 4.89 smileys out of five.
On the Onion today, Bradley Makelka, Chief in Charge of Drafting noted that "[Sang-Quil's] story is no big deal, we ran a brief like that in early '01 anyways".
