Sunday, May 28, 2006
"Players" Seen Acting
VERNA, TN - Youngster Jason Blaine and his parents saw a play at the local auditorium late Friday night. The event left his parents confused and some, but not many, questioning just how educated our youth are.
"Much Ado About Nothing" was set to commence shortly after 7:30pm and with a scheduled intermission of 15 minutes, would be the last performance this season for the Verna, Tenessee acting troupe.
Witnesses and playgoers remarked that the Blaine family arrived shortly after 7:00pm. Sources told the press that they socialized and Jason was introduced to a number of business partners and acquaintancs of his father, Jacob. After settling into seats 4,5 and 6 in Row G, Jason removed from his pants the licorice he had concealed there earlier. "No thanks." replied his father. The licorice was a little warm.
Jason's mother then passed him a program she had picked up at the door. After rifling through the junior jumble and 5x5 crossword in the "Kid's Korner" of the booklet, he began reading the play's synopsis. Confusion, followed by dissapointment ensued.
"At first when I read the program I was like, 'Dad, who are the players? And what sport are they doing?'". Jason had just finished studying Twelth Night in his Grade 10 English class.
"I was shocked." said Jason, upon learning that an acting company would be putting on the play, and who's members are often referred to as Players. "I guess though, looking back, I had it coming. I mean, there was no ice, turf, net or hoops, and the lack of a jumbotron shattered my idea of a good time."
When asked if he enjoyed the night anyways, Jason replied that "No, I was so let down after that glimmer of hope that I spent the night fantasizing about Beatrice and her supple twin breasts. The way her nipples stood on end at the end of Scene III Act V was fantastic; indiscrimate-"
Jason's parents had brought him to the performance hoping he'd appreciate another Shakespearean comedy. They declined to comment on why Mr. Blaine's hand then came firmly over his son's mouth, subsequently ending the interview.
"Much Ado About Nothing" was set to commence shortly after 7:30pm and with a scheduled intermission of 15 minutes, would be the last performance this season for the Verna, Tenessee acting troupe.
Witnesses and playgoers remarked that the Blaine family arrived shortly after 7:00pm. Sources told the press that they socialized and Jason was introduced to a number of business partners and acquaintancs of his father, Jacob. After settling into seats 4,5 and 6 in Row G, Jason removed from his pants the licorice he had concealed there earlier. "No thanks." replied his father. The licorice was a little warm.
Jason's mother then passed him a program she had picked up at the door. After rifling through the junior jumble and 5x5 crossword in the "Kid's Korner" of the booklet, he began reading the play's synopsis. Confusion, followed by dissapointment ensued.
"At first when I read the program I was like, 'Dad, who are the players? And what sport are they doing?'". Jason had just finished studying Twelth Night in his Grade 10 English class.
"I was shocked." said Jason, upon learning that an acting company would be putting on the play, and who's members are often referred to as Players. "I guess though, looking back, I had it coming. I mean, there was no ice, turf, net or hoops, and the lack of a jumbotron shattered my idea of a good time."
When asked if he enjoyed the night anyways, Jason replied that "No, I was so let down after that glimmer of hope that I spent the night fantasizing about Beatrice and her supple twin breasts. The way her nipples stood on end at the end of Scene III Act V was fantastic; indiscrimate-"
Jason's parents had brought him to the performance hoping he'd appreciate another Shakespearean comedy. They declined to comment on why Mr. Blaine's hand then came firmly over his son's mouth, subsequently ending the interview.
Lefty Found to be Right-of-Center
In a move that has many planning to renounce their beliefs, Steven Schneider declared the principles of a free market "plausible, at best" at last week's Communist Party assembly.
Many members of the Party are still bedridden after what happened. Fevers of 104 degrees, nausea and vomiting, as well as bouts of seizure, fainting and general uneasiness have all been reported.
Prior to the weekly meeting, Schneider had reportedly just received a 35$ cash bonus from Bourgeoisiest and employer Thomas Harding. The nominal fee came at 3:45pm mst on Friday afternoon and could not have come at a worse time. Friday, a notoriously stressful day under a capitalist system, was especially distateful for Schneider because it meant a submission of his weekly progress report. Although the report was described by Harding as "Mediocre, and at times, a little below the intended values", Schneider's feelings were that "Hey, he's the big guy, let him meet the number quota!"
Many members of the Party are still bedridden after what happened. Fevers of 104 degrees, nausea and vomiting, as well as bouts of seizure, fainting and general uneasiness have all been reported.
Prior to the weekly meeting, Schneider had reportedly just received a 35$ cash bonus from Bourgeoisiest and employer Thomas Harding. The nominal fee came at 3:45pm mst on Friday afternoon and could not have come at a worse time. Friday, a notoriously stressful day under a capitalist system, was especially distateful for Schneider because it meant a submission of his weekly progress report. Although the report was described by Harding as "Mediocre, and at times, a little below the intended values", Schneider's feelings were that "Hey, he's the big guy, let him meet the number quota!"
