Wednesday, March 29, 2006
"Old School" Movie Sequel Meets Appropriate Fate
Members of Duke University Fraternity Omicron Epsilon Chi (OEX) announced Monday that their plans to complete a project known simply as "New School" has ended.
The last in a series of bulletins was posted on the frat website late Sunday night, and by Monday mid-day, word had spread across campus that the dream was over.
"My only regret is that we never filmed 'the mime scene'." Lamented frat boy John "Wildman" Wildgoose, who was creditted on the bulletins as HR Officer as well as a Teamster for the impromptu, and somewhat innapropriate movie production. "What we did film though, we'll never forget."
Filming, editting, and production of the movie, based loosely on the original "Old School", began in early fall, when, after a summer known to frat members as "that summer with the fuckin' broken DVD player" ended.
Said problem ended when someone's mom bought a new DVD player for the house. The results of watching the same movie all summer, however, cannot be understated.
"I remember when the DVD finally got replaced and we all sat around watching Chicken Little. I don't know why we did, it was such a fuckin' stupid movie." reminisced Clarence "Cue-Ball" Klein, OEX sergeant-at-arms. He continued, "After a summer of historic cinema and the huge shit stain that followed - literally, brother O'Marten hated Chicken Little so much he shit on the dvd! - we felt we had to pay homage to the movie. We threw our creative juices into a pot, and after a solid hour of drinking, we had a stew going."
The proverbial stew, was, of course, the idea to film what could only be described as a sequel and a homage to Old School.
The script was written within an hour, and the filming began the next morning.
OEX would go on to offend much of the campus staff, place one pledge in a boiling cauldron of corn starch, and, although the frat does not admit female members, report two miscarriages at the local hospital.
Facing a charter review, a very soiled DVD player, and ever-mounting fines and debts, and the fact that no member had any experience operating a videocamera, OEX was forced to shut down production.
The last in a series of bulletins was posted on the frat website late Sunday night, and by Monday mid-day, word had spread across campus that the dream was over.
"My only regret is that we never filmed 'the mime scene'." Lamented frat boy John "Wildman" Wildgoose, who was creditted on the bulletins as HR Officer as well as a Teamster for the impromptu, and somewhat innapropriate movie production. "What we did film though, we'll never forget."
Filming, editting, and production of the movie, based loosely on the original "Old School", began in early fall, when, after a summer known to frat members as "that summer with the fuckin' broken DVD player" ended.
Said problem ended when someone's mom bought a new DVD player for the house. The results of watching the same movie all summer, however, cannot be understated.
"I remember when the DVD finally got replaced and we all sat around watching Chicken Little. I don't know why we did, it was such a fuckin' stupid movie." reminisced Clarence "Cue-Ball" Klein, OEX sergeant-at-arms. He continued, "After a summer of historic cinema and the huge shit stain that followed - literally, brother O'Marten hated Chicken Little so much he shit on the dvd! - we felt we had to pay homage to the movie. We threw our creative juices into a pot, and after a solid hour of drinking, we had a stew going."
The proverbial stew, was, of course, the idea to film what could only be described as a sequel and a homage to Old School.
The script was written within an hour, and the filming began the next morning.
OEX would go on to offend much of the campus staff, place one pledge in a boiling cauldron of corn starch, and, although the frat does not admit female members, report two miscarriages at the local hospital.
Facing a charter review, a very soiled DVD player, and ever-mounting fines and debts, and the fact that no member had any experience operating a videocamera, OEX was forced to shut down production.
Tuesday, March 28, 2006
Man Beaks Car, Irony Ensues
In a first for the Auto Industry, and the much lesser known "Beaking Industry", a man beaked a car around noon on Tuesday.
Although it is not known if Raymond Soulace ever considered himself a Beaker, it is clear that he had known the word, or rather, the action, exists: "Yeah, I mean, I guess I was just mad and all right. It was warm out, the snow was melting and I got splashed. So I thought, sure, I could yell something profane at the driver, but that's when it hit me (...)".
Raymond Soulace was standing at a bus stop on the corner or Brighton and Grandview when the car, described by many onlookers as 'just a normal car' drove by. "It was weird man, one minute he was just angry, and the next, he beaked!" recounted one enthusiastic young boy.
How then Raymond was asked to join the Beaker's Guild Local 303 is, at the time of press, still unclear.
"It was in that split second of thought that Raymond, virtually unaware he was making a life-altering decision, chose the notoriety of becoming a Beaker." said a member of the Local 303, who wished to remain nameless.
Local authorities are still perplexed: "We have no record, to date, of a man 'beaking' a car. Yes, there have been many instances where an angry pedestrian yelled at the driver of a motor vehicle, but nothing like this before. This, this is something else". started town mayor and volunteer police dog, His Worship James Tharber. "We also have no record of a group of local men united in insult acting under the influence of a governing body."
The infamous Manny Greene, who is renowned for having yelled "Legalize!" at a man with dreadlocks, was available for comment on the Guild's website, where they held an open forum discussing the event early Monday night. The message board, which began as a discussion and recap soon turned into a full fledged assembly, and according to the site's owners, later graduated to a Meeting of the Upper House.
To understand the significance of the aforementioned, one must first be aware that the Beaker's Guild Local 303 has been in existance for 16 months, and currently has 3 charter members, all of whom form the Middle House. The two Chapter Captains (appointees from the National Federation of Part-Time Beakers) are responsible for carrying out, and ensuring that the Charter of the Beak is upheld. These are the duties and the men who make up the Upper House.
Initially, only Manny Greene and a co-founder of the Local 303 were moderating the board. When the site's bandwith limit became saturated, Greene called Chapter Captain Simon "Slam Style" Belanger. Bedecking himself in his green "beaking hat", he immediately drove to Greene's house.
Clearly, the meeting had gained a much greater significance.
Charter reviews in place, the Local 303, in accordance with the wishes of the NFPTB, plans to release a press statement sometime next week outlining the 10 Pillars of Beaking, the names of the individuals who are reponsible for the success of the NFPTB, as well as a statement from The Grand Master Beak-at-Hand, who at this time, appears to be some sort of figurehead of the organization.
The Local 303 is currently applying for a government grant to turn the bus stop into a national museum. The grant will likely be denied.
Although it is not known if Raymond Soulace ever considered himself a Beaker, it is clear that he had known the word, or rather, the action, exists: "Yeah, I mean, I guess I was just mad and all right. It was warm out, the snow was melting and I got splashed. So I thought, sure, I could yell something profane at the driver, but that's when it hit me (...)".
Raymond Soulace was standing at a bus stop on the corner or Brighton and Grandview when the car, described by many onlookers as 'just a normal car' drove by. "It was weird man, one minute he was just angry, and the next, he beaked!" recounted one enthusiastic young boy.
How then Raymond was asked to join the Beaker's Guild Local 303 is, at the time of press, still unclear.
"It was in that split second of thought that Raymond, virtually unaware he was making a life-altering decision, chose the notoriety of becoming a Beaker." said a member of the Local 303, who wished to remain nameless.
Local authorities are still perplexed: "We have no record, to date, of a man 'beaking' a car. Yes, there have been many instances where an angry pedestrian yelled at the driver of a motor vehicle, but nothing like this before. This, this is something else". started town mayor and volunteer police dog, His Worship James Tharber. "We also have no record of a group of local men united in insult acting under the influence of a governing body."
The infamous Manny Greene, who is renowned for having yelled "Legalize!" at a man with dreadlocks, was available for comment on the Guild's website, where they held an open forum discussing the event early Monday night. The message board, which began as a discussion and recap soon turned into a full fledged assembly, and according to the site's owners, later graduated to a Meeting of the Upper House.
To understand the significance of the aforementioned, one must first be aware that the Beaker's Guild Local 303 has been in existance for 16 months, and currently has 3 charter members, all of whom form the Middle House. The two Chapter Captains (appointees from the National Federation of Part-Time Beakers) are responsible for carrying out, and ensuring that the Charter of the Beak is upheld. These are the duties and the men who make up the Upper House.
Initially, only Manny Greene and a co-founder of the Local 303 were moderating the board. When the site's bandwith limit became saturated, Greene called Chapter Captain Simon "Slam Style" Belanger. Bedecking himself in his green "beaking hat", he immediately drove to Greene's house.
Clearly, the meeting had gained a much greater significance.
Charter reviews in place, the Local 303, in accordance with the wishes of the NFPTB, plans to release a press statement sometime next week outlining the 10 Pillars of Beaking, the names of the individuals who are reponsible for the success of the NFPTB, as well as a statement from The Grand Master Beak-at-Hand, who at this time, appears to be some sort of figurehead of the organization.
The Local 303 is currently applying for a government grant to turn the bus stop into a national museum. The grant will likely be denied.
