Monday, February 06, 2006
Serf Abolishes Feudal Ties
In what appears to be the only recorded case of modern-day serfdom, the serf in question has destroyed his feudal ties.
"I'm just happy I didn't have to go through all that deciding what side of the floor I'd sit on, and who should be the next anti-revolutionary decapitated and shit”, said Ron Luegerman Sunday afternoon, after taking the trash out for M and Mme Lalonde, who live on 196 Wolf Green Close.
Unaware that serfdom in many countries was abolished well prior to the beginning of the 19th century, Luegerman, born into serfdom, continued to fulfill his feudal obligations until late last weekend when he saw a PBS documentary on the French Revolution. “I was like, wow, that all happened? Here I am shining shoes and shit. What a rip-off.”
Luegerman later confessed that he long had some suspicion that his job did not really exist, and he was, admittedly, a slave. However, also well aware that if the grass was not mowed, cars not washed, and hairballs in the shower drain not routinely removed, he could be killed by his masters for breaching his duties. Hanging over the mantel, Luegerman had always "taken the papers for granted" and he assumed that, "many houses in America employed serfs - I mean, what reason did I have to think otherwise?" Luegerman grew up in Boston, MA, and seldom attended school.
"When the documentary finally ended - holy, I never thought it would end - I got up and took the ties down from above the mantel. That's when I really started wondering what all this talk about the "Roi" was, and why I didn't pay a tax on salt. Heck, salt just sits on the table, I didn't think a part of my paycheque went to salt. Salt is delicious, and that's that."
Also confused with a clause named Le Corvée, found on the backside of the ties, Luegerman demanded to know "Why, if I'm obligated to service the roads for the King, have I not been doing so?"
Neighbors of M and Mme Lalonde, who live in a quaint area of the southside, had no idea about the so-called 'serfdom in their midst'.
"Are we doing this now? Are we really? That's awesome!" replied Tom Hodgeson who lives across the close from the Lalonde's. Other neighbors were not so impressed, "Well that's all fine and dandy, but it doesn't explain why the sidewalks haven't been repaved yet." said elderly Mrs. Finch, who some say has been ranting since the days of the French revolution.
When asked if he would like to continue serving the Lalonde's, Luegerman replied, “I don’t have any intention of remaining their servant... I’d like to see the world, but I don’t have that much money saved up." Long taxed heavily, and payed mainly in French Francs, he had this to say: "I hear the McDonald’s down the street is hiring, so I'll spend a month making some quick cash and get a trip around the world planned. But it's not far from the Lalonde's, so I guess I could drop in on them from time to time.”
"I'm just happy I didn't have to go through all that deciding what side of the floor I'd sit on, and who should be the next anti-revolutionary decapitated and shit”, said Ron Luegerman Sunday afternoon, after taking the trash out for M and Mme Lalonde, who live on 196 Wolf Green Close.
Unaware that serfdom in many countries was abolished well prior to the beginning of the 19th century, Luegerman, born into serfdom, continued to fulfill his feudal obligations until late last weekend when he saw a PBS documentary on the French Revolution. “I was like, wow, that all happened? Here I am shining shoes and shit. What a rip-off.”
Luegerman later confessed that he long had some suspicion that his job did not really exist, and he was, admittedly, a slave. However, also well aware that if the grass was not mowed, cars not washed, and hairballs in the shower drain not routinely removed, he could be killed by his masters for breaching his duties. Hanging over the mantel, Luegerman had always "taken the papers for granted" and he assumed that, "many houses in America employed serfs - I mean, what reason did I have to think otherwise?" Luegerman grew up in Boston, MA, and seldom attended school.
"When the documentary finally ended - holy, I never thought it would end - I got up and took the ties down from above the mantel. That's when I really started wondering what all this talk about the "Roi" was, and why I didn't pay a tax on salt. Heck, salt just sits on the table, I didn't think a part of my paycheque went to salt. Salt is delicious, and that's that."
Also confused with a clause named Le Corvée, found on the backside of the ties, Luegerman demanded to know "Why, if I'm obligated to service the roads for the King, have I not been doing so?"
Neighbors of M and Mme Lalonde, who live in a quaint area of the southside, had no idea about the so-called 'serfdom in their midst'.
"Are we doing this now? Are we really? That's awesome!" replied Tom Hodgeson who lives across the close from the Lalonde's. Other neighbors were not so impressed, "Well that's all fine and dandy, but it doesn't explain why the sidewalks haven't been repaved yet." said elderly Mrs. Finch, who some say has been ranting since the days of the French revolution.
When asked if he would like to continue serving the Lalonde's, Luegerman replied, “I don’t have any intention of remaining their servant... I’d like to see the world, but I don’t have that much money saved up." Long taxed heavily, and payed mainly in French Francs, he had this to say: "I hear the McDonald’s down the street is hiring, so I'll spend a month making some quick cash and get a trip around the world planned. But it's not far from the Lalonde's, so I guess I could drop in on them from time to time.”
