Tuesday, February 08, 2005
Traces of lipstick on my collar...
Rarely do I ever feel the need to expand on any of Carr's posts, but today, being home sick, is the exception. But before we go there, I have to point out that being sick may have it's downside, but man, food tastes at least 100 times better at home than it would at school. Nevertheless, messenger isn't working, and reminiscing over a gongshow summer's night is about the best thing I can do in between coughing up phlegm, popping pills and avoiding doing my homework that is, well, due next block.
However, since Carr clearly remembered things from around 11:00 onwards, and I can't remember anything from after 11:00, I thought it would work nicely to throw in a comment or two on what he wrote down.
"Needless to say, I feel like puking if I even smell Bacardi these days, I don't think I'll ever drink it again"
The next time Carr drank bacardi white, his nose started bleeding.. It was an omen.
"Due to Matt's shirking of duties, he abandoned Baretopea and I in the garage to go talk to people online in the house."
I had gone inside to find the orange juice for the brass monkey we were all craving. Needless to say, I went over to the candy dish, stuffed my pockets full of sweets and also the now legendary ringpop. Unfortunately, the computer was on, just begging me to sign on and see if the girls who were supposed to be coming were. Beer in hand, I typed my email in. I was on for what must have been 20 minutes, and then when my beer was done, stumbled back outside for another. By this point, I had unintentionally drank half of the 4 litre jug of orange juice. I came into the garage, put the oj in the fridge, put a beer in my hoodie, and craked the tab of another. Baretopea had just finished pouring 5 shots of the fightin' whiskey into a paper cup, and he was trying to feed it to Carr. He'd been spun in the hammock and was on the floor. (The hammock was broken and he was laying on it). Carr's eyes darted around the room and he wiped his lips all over the dirty concrete. I took the whiskey, downed it, and yelled something at Carr for being drunk. I left through the back door, went behind the sweet old van, spat out any hope of sobering, and pissed my guts out.
« Oh shit, » I thought again and turned around and began running back down the alley, laughing my ass off. I was just booking it as fast as I could, laughing like a hyena and screaming at matt and barret to turn around cause we were going to get our asses kicked. They were confused, but followed me back down the alley.
As I followed Carr down the alley I tossed an empty over a fence. The alley was wet, and I yelled at him to slow the fuck down. Needless to say, we probably weren't going that fast, but the world was spinning for both of us. Before I continue, I think it's important to point out that I've mentioned before how 'Carr and I shouldn't be allowed in the same room, drunk' (Think: Halloween party where we broke a window and a closet). Either way, safety was my concern, and soon Carr looked behind himself and saw me in hot pursuit. What he didn't remember was that he quickly turned, and jumped into the back of a truck on blocks. The truck was in someone's driveway and was missing much of the body. The seats too were lacking any upholstery. Carr jumped into the back and hit the metal way too hard. "Fuck, my legs!" he cried in pain. I made a desperate attempt to grab him, which then sent me head over heels ontop of him.
Imagine our situation. We're both absolutely filthy, lying ontop of each other on the floor of someone's half-truck. It was too good to stay. Seeing as their were no doors, Carr slid out from under me and hopped out the gaping hole in the side of the truck. Within seconds he was again sprinting down the alley, with me, once again, in hot pursuit.
What happened next was easily the funniest and most painful thing I have ever seen. Carr, turned around, yelled a garbled "blurg ya fuckhead!" or something, at me, and in the split second he turned, he failed to notice the enormous puddle in his way.
"Carr! Shit!" I yelled as he fell. He managed to get his hands out to break his fall, but I'm still surprised his wrists didn't snap. He was lucky to get away from a fall like that with only a hole in each hand. I picked the guy up, told him to wipe the blood, which was spewing literally everywhere. (I still have blood on my gonger hoodie from his hands). I helped him back to the garage.
Carr was always good at being full of shit. I thought the guy was in serious pain, and I was prepared to stop drinking (well maybe cut back a bit) and help him nurse his wounds. Fuck was I wrong. When he got back into the garage he immediately began running around shaking everyone's hand exclaiming with the goofy grin of his, "I'm Jesus!"
In need of another Kokanee, Matt was back.
Unphased by the blood covering his arms, Carr was back.
A myriad of screams of horror emerged from the crowd as they all bolted for the door. Several blew chunks outside.
After allowing everyone to admire his cuts, Carr sat down on the van seats we had in the carhole. I had gone out for my 80th piss of the night, and when I came back inside, there was Carr, spewing his stomach lining everywhere. It was awesome. I have never seen someone puke so much in my life. I was fubar'd and I quickly decided this was about the coolest thing since sliced bread. Yap threw a roll of paper towel at Carr, and told him to wait while he got the hose. What did that mean? I had no idea. But Carr was projectily vomiting alone in the garage, and this was better than anything I had ever seen in my life.
My eyes lit up, I was clapping, cheering, urging him on! Never have I seen someone puke so far in my life!
Yap came back into the garage with the hose. I was astonished. Who would want to ruin this Olympic event? Soon, Carr was being soaked. I was annoyed, my happiness was coming to an abrupt halt. Yap sprayed down the garage. Gold medals of puke were being flushed out the open door. I demanded to know what he was doing. Yap told me that he had to; it stunk in there. I was furious. And by this point, the bombardment of water left Carr on the ground. The paper towel hanging off of him was all wet and sticky with the puke and water mixture. It was disgusting. I was appalled. I was angry. I grabbed the stool nearest me. I threw it at Carr as hard as I could. His body flinched under the blow and I stormed outside, hoping to relate to someone what had just happened. I grabbed the benler but words wouldn't come to my mouth. I didn't say anything. I had forgotten what had just happened. I was shit-housed. It was lovely.
This somehow led to Matt and I chauffeuring this drunk girl down the alley for some fresh air and a good puke.
Being the stupid bastards that we are, we soon found ourselves near the fence of a house we had once pranked on, back in the days of Ged Stupit. (We had done the pirate skit here). At one point, it might have been that night, I honestly can't remember, there was a sign on the fence annoncing someone had lost their dog. Soon a beaking came about.
"Carr, Carr, we found that fuckin' dog!!"
"Yeah! What a fucking DOG!!"
Carr and I were sent into a fit of maniacal laughter.
After that, my memories blur.
What I do remember is going back to the carhole, grabbing Carr, tearing open the fridge and taking (why? I don't know) coolers. We then went through the same alley he had fallen in hours earlier, because I wanted to see if we could find the basketball. Carr had no idea what basketball I was talking about, and soon we were sidetracked telling each other stories that were half made up, and half drunken rants. Instead of going onto the road (a good, good choice at the time) to look for the ball, we walked along the alleys separating the street with the houses. I had finished "Sexy Vexy", some orange juice cooler, and so I hucked it onto the road. It was made of glass.. I don't know why I thought this would be OK. It shattered, and with a loud pop, at that. Some lady from across the street yelled something. I can't remember what it was, but I remember Carr started laughing and running back towards the carhole. I yelled something back to the lady before following him. I have no idea what I said, but I would be amazed if it made any sense whatsoever.
We were back in the garage within minutes, and a bunch of girls were puking sick. I was angry as shit and I grabbed the Benler, "Can we please fucking get drunk after they leave?!"
"Just have another alright you crazy fuck?" He shoved a beer into my eager hands and I snapped the tabbie. The puke covered car seats where Carr had been hours earlier looked too inviting. I laid down. I remember hearing from two guys who will remain nameless, (and who girls weren't even paying attention to that night) something like, "I dare you to french kiss him, I'll pay you."
Soon after, I passed out.
However, since Carr clearly remembered things from around 11:00 onwards, and I can't remember anything from after 11:00, I thought it would work nicely to throw in a comment or two on what he wrote down.
"Needless to say, I feel like puking if I even smell Bacardi these days, I don't think I'll ever drink it again"
The next time Carr drank bacardi white, his nose started bleeding.. It was an omen.
"Due to Matt's shirking of duties, he abandoned Baretopea and I in the garage to go talk to people online in the house."
I had gone inside to find the orange juice for the brass monkey we were all craving. Needless to say, I went over to the candy dish, stuffed my pockets full of sweets and also the now legendary ringpop. Unfortunately, the computer was on, just begging me to sign on and see if the girls who were supposed to be coming were. Beer in hand, I typed my email in. I was on for what must have been 20 minutes, and then when my beer was done, stumbled back outside for another. By this point, I had unintentionally drank half of the 4 litre jug of orange juice. I came into the garage, put the oj in the fridge, put a beer in my hoodie, and craked the tab of another. Baretopea had just finished pouring 5 shots of the fightin' whiskey into a paper cup, and he was trying to feed it to Carr. He'd been spun in the hammock and was on the floor. (The hammock was broken and he was laying on it). Carr's eyes darted around the room and he wiped his lips all over the dirty concrete. I took the whiskey, downed it, and yelled something at Carr for being drunk. I left through the back door, went behind the sweet old van, spat out any hope of sobering, and pissed my guts out.
« Oh shit, » I thought again and turned around and began running back down the alley, laughing my ass off. I was just booking it as fast as I could, laughing like a hyena and screaming at matt and barret to turn around cause we were going to get our asses kicked. They were confused, but followed me back down the alley.
As I followed Carr down the alley I tossed an empty over a fence. The alley was wet, and I yelled at him to slow the fuck down. Needless to say, we probably weren't going that fast, but the world was spinning for both of us. Before I continue, I think it's important to point out that I've mentioned before how 'Carr and I shouldn't be allowed in the same room, drunk' (Think: Halloween party where we broke a window and a closet). Either way, safety was my concern, and soon Carr looked behind himself and saw me in hot pursuit. What he didn't remember was that he quickly turned, and jumped into the back of a truck on blocks. The truck was in someone's driveway and was missing much of the body. The seats too were lacking any upholstery. Carr jumped into the back and hit the metal way too hard. "Fuck, my legs!" he cried in pain. I made a desperate attempt to grab him, which then sent me head over heels ontop of him.
Imagine our situation. We're both absolutely filthy, lying ontop of each other on the floor of someone's half-truck. It was too good to stay. Seeing as their were no doors, Carr slid out from under me and hopped out the gaping hole in the side of the truck. Within seconds he was again sprinting down the alley, with me, once again, in hot pursuit.
What happened next was easily the funniest and most painful thing I have ever seen. Carr, turned around, yelled a garbled "blurg ya fuckhead!" or something, at me, and in the split second he turned, he failed to notice the enormous puddle in his way.
"Carr! Shit!" I yelled as he fell. He managed to get his hands out to break his fall, but I'm still surprised his wrists didn't snap. He was lucky to get away from a fall like that with only a hole in each hand. I picked the guy up, told him to wipe the blood, which was spewing literally everywhere. (I still have blood on my gonger hoodie from his hands). I helped him back to the garage.
Carr was always good at being full of shit. I thought the guy was in serious pain, and I was prepared to stop drinking (well maybe cut back a bit) and help him nurse his wounds. Fuck was I wrong. When he got back into the garage he immediately began running around shaking everyone's hand exclaiming with the goofy grin of his, "I'm Jesus!"
In need of another Kokanee, Matt was back.
Unphased by the blood covering his arms, Carr was back.
A myriad of screams of horror emerged from the crowd as they all bolted for the door. Several blew chunks outside.
After allowing everyone to admire his cuts, Carr sat down on the van seats we had in the carhole. I had gone out for my 80th piss of the night, and when I came back inside, there was Carr, spewing his stomach lining everywhere. It was awesome. I have never seen someone puke so much in my life. I was fubar'd and I quickly decided this was about the coolest thing since sliced bread. Yap threw a roll of paper towel at Carr, and told him to wait while he got the hose. What did that mean? I had no idea. But Carr was projectily vomiting alone in the garage, and this was better than anything I had ever seen in my life.
My eyes lit up, I was clapping, cheering, urging him on! Never have I seen someone puke so far in my life!
Yap came back into the garage with the hose. I was astonished. Who would want to ruin this Olympic event? Soon, Carr was being soaked. I was annoyed, my happiness was coming to an abrupt halt. Yap sprayed down the garage. Gold medals of puke were being flushed out the open door. I demanded to know what he was doing. Yap told me that he had to; it stunk in there. I was furious. And by this point, the bombardment of water left Carr on the ground. The paper towel hanging off of him was all wet and sticky with the puke and water mixture. It was disgusting. I was appalled. I was angry. I grabbed the stool nearest me. I threw it at Carr as hard as I could. His body flinched under the blow and I stormed outside, hoping to relate to someone what had just happened. I grabbed the benler but words wouldn't come to my mouth. I didn't say anything. I had forgotten what had just happened. I was shit-housed. It was lovely.
This somehow led to Matt and I chauffeuring this drunk girl down the alley for some fresh air and a good puke.
Being the stupid bastards that we are, we soon found ourselves near the fence of a house we had once pranked on, back in the days of Ged Stupit. (We had done the pirate skit here). At one point, it might have been that night, I honestly can't remember, there was a sign on the fence annoncing someone had lost their dog. Soon a beaking came about.
"Carr, Carr, we found that fuckin' dog!!"
"Yeah! What a fucking DOG!!"
Carr and I were sent into a fit of maniacal laughter.
After that, my memories blur.
What I do remember is going back to the carhole, grabbing Carr, tearing open the fridge and taking (why? I don't know) coolers. We then went through the same alley he had fallen in hours earlier, because I wanted to see if we could find the basketball. Carr had no idea what basketball I was talking about, and soon we were sidetracked telling each other stories that were half made up, and half drunken rants. Instead of going onto the road (a good, good choice at the time) to look for the ball, we walked along the alleys separating the street with the houses. I had finished "Sexy Vexy", some orange juice cooler, and so I hucked it onto the road. It was made of glass.. I don't know why I thought this would be OK. It shattered, and with a loud pop, at that. Some lady from across the street yelled something. I can't remember what it was, but I remember Carr started laughing and running back towards the carhole. I yelled something back to the lady before following him. I have no idea what I said, but I would be amazed if it made any sense whatsoever.
We were back in the garage within minutes, and a bunch of girls were puking sick. I was angry as shit and I grabbed the Benler, "Can we please fucking get drunk after they leave?!"
"Just have another alright you crazy fuck?" He shoved a beer into my eager hands and I snapped the tabbie. The puke covered car seats where Carr had been hours earlier looked too inviting. I laid down. I remember hearing from two guys who will remain nameless, (and who girls weren't even paying attention to that night) something like, "I dare you to french kiss him, I'll pay you."
Soon after, I passed out.
Monday, February 07, 2005
I quote, therefore I am
Alright listen, I'm gonna tell ya my story.
kevin says:
tell him i told you hes a big blue lovin' FAG
fit but you know it says:
hahahahahahaha what?!?!
kevin says:
?
My dad's buddy and I were talking about how I'm going to start teaching swimming lessons soon, and about all the qualifications I have have for lifesaving and first aid, and then he's like "yes thats definetly a good thing to have...i remember when i was much younger i was doing a course through st johns ambulance on AR, and back then of course there were no dummies to practice on.. and i remember i was paired with this girl, and of course there wasnt very much concern about exchanging bodily fluids, and we ended up dating ahahah haw haw haw........ nice girl tho, nice... i still remember her to this day"
Life: High Speeds, Faster Music says:
and then some guy broke into my house and stole pizza from the fridge ahha scared the shit outta me fit
but you know it says:
are you fucking kidding?
go_team_lucy says:
are you EVER gonna come visite me at school?
fit but you know it says:
no shut the fuck up
go_team_lucy says:
ur mean
fit but you know it says:
go drink washer fluid
fit but you know it says:
is your 15 y/o sister coming to mac?
thomas. says:
probably
thomas. says:
depends what her parole officer suggests
fit but you know it says:
DUDER
fit but you know it says:
THANK god YOURE HERE
barretopea says:
why did carr break his leg?
we resonate on all your favorite frequencies says:
what does hinton smell of?
Bexta says:
the pulp mill
we resonate on all your favorite frequencies says:
lol
we resonate on all your favorite frequencies says:
wtf is that!
Bexta says:
where they make paper.....
Bexta says:
are ukidding me
Bexta says:
lol
we resonate on all your favorite frequencies says:
a pulp mill is where they make paper?
we resonate on all your favorite frequencies says:
now youre just bullshitting me
So there I was at Rabbit Hill last year, with the school, skoal and the cold, when Carr and I were riding up the T-bar, and nature called. Maybe it was the grease in the fries that I ate at lunch, or maybe it was the sudden desire to wrong-do, either way, I whipped it out. Carr demanded, "Oh my god, are you stupid?" to which I replied, "Dude, I have to piss!"
Perhaps from this point on, the story is better told from Ben's position. He was on the T behind Carr and I:
There I was right, just kinda looking around when I looked down and saw this yellow stuff on the ground, and I'm like "oh my god, is that piss?" and all of a sudden I hear Matt's laugh right, "ahuh huh HUH!" and I just start shaking my head.
and to continue the snowboarding theme..
Carr and I are on the bus from Marmot, it's around 8PM and he has an open pop between his legs, greasy food all over his lap, and the bus starts bouncing. I turn to him as he throws ketchuppy fries into his mouth and point out that "oh yeah, this is a recipe for disaster" he turns, looks me in the eye and says: "
Yeah? Well you're a recipe for pie!"
kevin says:
tell him i told you hes a big blue lovin' FAG
fit but you know it says:
hahahahahahaha what?!?!
kevin says:
?
My dad's buddy and I were talking about how I'm going to start teaching swimming lessons soon, and about all the qualifications I have have for lifesaving and first aid, and then he's like "yes thats definetly a good thing to have...i remember when i was much younger i was doing a course through st johns ambulance on AR, and back then of course there were no dummies to practice on.. and i remember i was paired with this girl, and of course there wasnt very much concern about exchanging bodily fluids, and we ended up dating ahahah haw haw haw........ nice girl tho, nice... i still remember her to this day"
Life: High Speeds, Faster Music says:
and then some guy broke into my house and stole pizza from the fridge ahha scared the shit outta me fit
but you know it says:
are you fucking kidding?
go_team_lucy says:
are you EVER gonna come visite me at school?
fit but you know it says:
no shut the fuck up
go_team_lucy says:
ur mean
fit but you know it says:
go drink washer fluid
fit but you know it says:
is your 15 y/o sister coming to mac?
thomas. says:
probably
thomas. says:
depends what her parole officer suggests
fit but you know it says:
DUDER
fit but you know it says:
THANK god YOURE HERE
barretopea says:
why did carr break his leg?
we resonate on all your favorite frequencies says:
what does hinton smell of?
Bexta says:
the pulp mill
we resonate on all your favorite frequencies says:
lol
we resonate on all your favorite frequencies says:
wtf is that!
Bexta says:
where they make paper.....
Bexta says:
are ukidding me
Bexta says:
lol
we resonate on all your favorite frequencies says:
a pulp mill is where they make paper?
we resonate on all your favorite frequencies says:
now youre just bullshitting me
So there I was at Rabbit Hill last year, with the school, skoal and the cold, when Carr and I were riding up the T-bar, and nature called. Maybe it was the grease in the fries that I ate at lunch, or maybe it was the sudden desire to wrong-do, either way, I whipped it out. Carr demanded, "Oh my god, are you stupid?" to which I replied, "Dude, I have to piss!"
Perhaps from this point on, the story is better told from Ben's position. He was on the T behind Carr and I:
There I was right, just kinda looking around when I looked down and saw this yellow stuff on the ground, and I'm like "oh my god, is that piss?" and all of a sudden I hear Matt's laugh right, "ahuh huh HUH!" and I just start shaking my head.
and to continue the snowboarding theme..
Carr and I are on the bus from Marmot, it's around 8PM and he has an open pop between his legs, greasy food all over his lap, and the bus starts bouncing. I turn to him as he throws ketchuppy fries into his mouth and point out that "oh yeah, this is a recipe for disaster" he turns, looks me in the eye and says: "
Yeah? Well you're a recipe for pie!"
