Politics of the Business

It is after midterms, The Streets are threatening to break my speakers, I call Carr.

2:10 I whine: "Carr, let's go already... Do you really have to take a shower?" Carr replies, "Yeah man, I will go to work drunk, but I won't go dirty."

3:00 - Meet Carr, have had a shot of whiskey

3:15 - Sitting on bench with Carr, drinking whiskey slurpee, he shoots a strange combination of absolut vodka and some richer gin.

3:16 - Carr and I are still sitting on the bench and he's like, "Were alcoholics arent we?"I check my watch and I'm like, "its 3:16... yep"

3:20 - Lady walks by bench and Carr has the call: "Hi! I like MEN!" We are sent into a fit of laughter.

3:26 - Carr pushes me into a bush. Pants are wet, it is a combination of urine and the snow I have just fallen into.

3:28 - While jumping over a fence I decide Carr and I should start our own radio station. It will be called iROCK. People will call in and say "iROCK! Can I hear some..." or "iROCK! I need some advice on..." We will block anyone who requests Usher, Ying Yang Twins, Elephant Mon, or any other wannabe Crunkers.

3:30- Carr follows lady walking to her Wolkswagon. When she turns around and glares, he gaits normally, yet when she turns back, he proceeds the hunt.

3:35 - Carr and I turn a corner in an alley and exclaim in unison "Holy shit, A Scion Xb!"

3:36 - Still in a phase of exclamation, I exclaim, "Those things are the only vehicles on the market to have a pie holder/convection oven!"

3:38 - Carr humps Scion Xb.

3:46 - Carr and I walk around the neighborhood. I pee four times, once infront of community hall where old geezers are playing cards. An idea for "Gin and Rummy" ensues.

4:01 - I leave Carr at a bus stop for the 112, he has to be at work for 5:00. Next bus in 30 minutes. I leave him muttering "beep beep beep" over and over and over. He thinks he's Buslink because he misdialed the number and got the busy signal.

4:15 - I walk through the door, happy that no one is home, and without taking off my shoes, jacket, earbuds, or gloves, run upstairs and piss my guts out.

4:40 - I am called. I say I will be out of the house after supper.

Ladies, we know you're impressed.

Tonight I will be testing my foolprood method of instantly sobering up, now matter how much I have had. But remember kids, abstinence is the only tried and true way of... Fuck, nevermind.

The recipe I will be following is as follows.

1. A huge dinner of chicken and whatever else I feel like cooking.
2. Two glasses of milk following dinner. None of this bullshit homo or 1%. Only 2 will do.
3. Only drink clear (white) liquor. Whiskey, Brandy, Sherry, Wines, and generally all colored liquors have other products that will take longer to be processed by your liver. Remember the general rule: your liver can do a drink an hour.
4. After every drink, a cup of water, or approximately two glasses.
5. After drinking, one multivitamin pill, followed by,
6. One spoonful of honey.
7. Drink as much water as possible.

Expect a post on how it turns out.

So there I am, standing in the Magazine Rack at Save-on before going away to Banff for the weekend. There's the fat greasy asshole rifling through a maxim, I disregarded the swag to avoid the meningitis found on fingers flipping through. What can one buy anymore? TWSB or Mad? It's always the same.. only new pictures. FHM, Dirt Rag? They don't even handle The Rag. So I pick up this book (term used to indicate that magazine actually has a near-hard cover, haha magazine with hardcover, what a rash exchange of roles) and flip it open. It's called Hobo. It's the fourth issue. How good could it be? It's got a picture of a naked red head somewhere near the back. The issues are current events, and jargon.

All magazines are the same. What can one read these days?

So I cross the aisle to the books. There's the book on Clinton (My Life) the book on Hitler (Mein Kampf) and the book on how the media relies on the same stereotypes over and over.

Maybe you should stop reading this site.


I've also got two really good ideas for t-shirts
The first is a shirt that says "Go Pope Go" and has a picture of the popes hat, with little legs that are running, and the second is a shirt that says, "my other shirt is the millenium falcon".

UPDATE: The Go Pope Go Prototype is Now Up!
Thank you Incredible Bulk!


go pope go! by jvanman

And now, to bring in the new year with a bang, here is an exclusive Politics of the Business best blog of the year award!

Please join us in congratulating this guy who writes this blog. You sir, are doing the world a great favor.

Here's another blog that was in contention. It chronicles the life of Ray Lampe, aka DrBbq and how he has become the Ultimate Asshole in the world of competitive barbecue. Enjoy. Here are my favorite lines from the site:

...I voted against adding the words "No par boiling or frying". I think many cooks are braising their meat and if we're going to outlaw par boiling we should probably outlaw braising too...

"drbbq is offended by a reference to the weight of an egg"
No room for an egg and they weigh too much. And I could just see stones from the tires flying up and hitting the egg as it sits on the front of the pit.

...he sold out to get a BGE to use for free and get paid to promote it around the bbq community.......just reading the sucking up makes me gag...

In case you're totally confused, Dr. Bbq's own blog won't help much, so don't bother hitting the link.

In other news, the Seinfeld marathon will be held next weekend. You can expect much cavorting around until season 3 ends, sometime in the early hours of the morning. Seinfeld on DVD... finally a reason to celebrate the new year.

and we'll end with a quote:
"To impress a girl, I always bring her the finest drink with ice in it. And I'm not talkin' bout frozen water."