Politics of the Business

In honor of our 1rst birthday, everybody's favorite television network, the Canadian Broadcasting Corporation, asked me for an interview in primetime TV. Unbeknownst to me prior to the questioning, primetime on CBC is right after Coronation Street, so clearly many of you missed the interview altogether. For this reason, I have republished, with permission from the CBC, the interview in it's entirety.

Enjoy!

M "First of all, let me thank you for being here."
PM "Oh, that's a very mature attitude, I assume there's a lot of that portrayed through the site?"
M "Oh quite so, Mr. Mansbridge."
PM "Care to give us an overview?"
M "Well most of the content deals with tales of depravition, mysterious tax returns that include mail-fraud, mindless drug abuse, The Ownerz, activities that involve strapping on a snowboard and heading southwest, expensive beers, cheap liquors, and the promiscuity that is synonym for my name."
PM "Sounds like you've got the bases covered..."

Awkward Silence where I realise that this guy is around 80, balding, and working for *shudder* the CBC.

M "Yeah, ever consider an appearance on Coronation Street?"
PM "*shrugs* That's none of your business."
M "You sure?"
PM "I'm the interviewer, junior."
M "Then start asking the questions."
PM "I didn't spend 20 years going to Journalism 101 to take this from a sassy fifteen year old."
M "20 years?"
PM "Ok, ok, so it's more like 5 to 10"
M "5 to 10?"
PM "Fine, 3 to 5."
M "3 to 5?"
PM "Yes, 3 to 5."
M "3 to- Oh sorry, I was just stuck in the moment. Continue."
PM "Thanks, so when was the site started?"
M "The 25th of August, 2003"
PM "That's pretty impressive, you must have a lot of devoted readers."
M "No, not at all, people usually come to this site by accident."
PM "Go on..."
M "Well let's say someone types in, aw hell, 'prepubescent clit' into google."
PM "Sure, but I'll have to edit this part out..."
M "They end up with a handful of sites, but since we've used the term so many times, they're bound to hit ours eventually."
PM "This is a marketing strategy?"
M "Oh, absolutely, we like to attract predators, otherwise there would be no reason to post vulgar content."
PM "Then it's safe to say the content on your site is directed at those interested in smut and racial slurs?"
M "No spic, the content on our site is slur-free. We keep it that way ever since we declared politics of the business relatively dung beetle free."
PM "Uhh, that has to do with race?"
M "I'm white, you're white, we're both employed; No."
PM "I don't think I'm allowed to comment on that statement."
Producer "Cut! Cut! This interview is over!!"

Ever read 8 and 1/2 things you should do today in Ed?

Yeah me neither, but thanks for trying Sasano. Instead, politics of the business presents :

Some things you should probably get around to doing sometime within the next month, or something.

• Daylight savings time, you can thank Mr. Savings Time for that. (Not to be confused with the guy who's on the Monopoly board)
• "The Bible, part II", Meet the Author and Autograph signing, Chapters 114th street and 92nd ave, Saturday and Sunday, October 2nd and 3rd. 6:30-9:30pm. First 100 visitors receive free cactus!
• Determine if you're cool enough to have a category on your msn list titled "The Ownerz."
• Take a trip on the bus downtown while listening to well, the song... Downtown. (For affordable, economical, but not effective, public transit, I would recommend ETS - 27 different smells, and still addin'!)
• Learn a second language! Wait, no don't even think of doing that.
• Read a periodical, and then just skip to the classifieds and laugh at the personals. Here's a great one I found in the Sun:

Older female seeking young male body. Boy-toys preferred, but would settle for an underwear model. I am passionate about late-night douches, cold showers and wearing fury hats. My role-model is William Tell. If interested contact me at ###-####.

• Put down an even ten hundred on the 49ers.
• Videotape yourself shitting on someone's porch, and then drop the videotape off on O'carreigh Carr's porch.
• Take one last look at summer and smoke crack.
• Ask your parents if they have any snuff lying around from last time grandpa was here.
• Start saying things you don't understand like, "The names have been changed to protect the innocent", "I could care less" and "The Ostrich was never cool anyways".

And for those of you who are wondering when we take an unecessary stab at an unsuspecting victim.. well, look no further.

i want to be a seceret ninja says:
hey
drinkin' shitty liquor, talkin' like a city slicker, just a day in the life says:
hey
i want to be a seceret ninja says:
tyson and i might be building a wall ride today!!
drinkin' shitty liquor, talkin' like a city slicker, just a day in the life says:
awesome
i want to be a seceret ninja says:
yeah its going to be wicked
i want to be a seceret ninja says:
and if you can ride it to the top then you can get on the guys roof!
drinkin' shitty liquor, talkin' like a city slicker, just a day in the life says:
good idea!!
i want to be a seceret ninja says:
then you can drop off it
i want to be a seceret ninja says:
its gonna be so good
i want to be a seceret ninja says:
but i can only ride it when its dark
drinkin' shitty liquor, talkin' like a city slicker, just a day in the life says:
why?
i want to be a seceret ninja says:
cause im building it on my nabor's garge
drinkin' shitty liquor, talkin' like a city slicker, just a day in the life says:
oh LOL NABORS GARGE!

I took the liberty of sending this perfect example of fuckshit to everyone's favorite member of the Carr clan. Here is his reply:

I popped 'nabors garge' into the ol' idiot translator and it came out as "nabor": east indian males name, "garge": 1930's slang for the buttocks. Soo.. "riding nabors garge" could be something completely different than your interpretation...

So then it occured to me. My life would be nothing without meat...

Meat Puppets has just signed in.

drinkin' shitty liquor, talkin' like a city slicker, just a day in the life says:
ahahaha are those like edible puppets made out of meat?
Meat Puppets says:
they sure are
Meat Puppets says:
and its a band
drinkin' shitty liquor, talkin' like a city slicker, just a day in the life says:
dyou play with them and then like take a bite out of the lamb's head
Meat Puppets says:
ahahahah
Meat Puppets says:
the best meat is in the rumop
Meat Puppets says:
rump
drinkin' shitty liquor, talkin' like a city slicker, just a day in the life says:
ahahahaha
drinkin' shitty liquor, talkin' like a city slicker, just a day in the life says:
do you have any tofu puppets just for those non-meat pansies?
Meat Puppets says:
ahahahahah
Meat Puppets says:
NO!
Meat Puppets says:
ahahahah
drinkin' shitty liquor, talkin' like a city slicker, just a day in the life says:
thank god
Meat Puppets says:
fags1
drinkin' shitty liquor, talkin' like a city slicker, just a day in the life says:
man, i cant stand people who dont want to fill their body with animal by-products and fertilizers that are commonly found in meat
drinkin' shitty liquor, talkin' like a city slicker, just a day in the life says:
IDIOTS!
Meat Puppets says:
yeah
Meat Puppets says:
what a bunch of facists

Oh man. Just imagine it now... A world without meat.

People would be healthy. We would have learned to survive without needlessly harming other creatures. (Review : Mostly what I mean here is that meat is awesome so generally speaking humans will fight other humans for their, for example, steak). Without an unprecedented desire to satisfy the thirst that is meat, animals would no longer run like cowards at the sound of a slaughter house. Which, while were on the subject, have been known to help more animals than they've injured. It's not like a series of metal knives, grates, rapiers, strainers, and eye-gougers ever injured a cow on the way to my plate. The most harm any animal sustains in the life process is the piercing of my fork into it's delicious meat as it makes it's way to my mouth.
And even then, it's already dead.

Recently, I embarked on the great American Roadtrip. Yes, I braved the high gas prices, the stench of asphalt and the inflated cost of a Tim Horton's refillable coffee mug all in order to drive through the Northern States and Colorado. (Note to self : Tim Horton's does not exist south of the border).

My trip's plan consisted of a lot of driving to end up in a National Park outside of Denver for a few nights, and then to Victoria, also known as the 'run for the border with illegal immigrants stretch'. Herdio spent most of the trip in the wheel well, Philipe on immigration officer patrol.

In order for the rest of this to work, it is necessary to lay down some setting and atmosphere. The temperature outside is scorching, the speed limit is around 140km/h, most of the scenery is desert surrounding, there are Sturgis-bound bikers everywhere, and the girls are hot, hot, hot.

The following is a 'day-2' Blogsperience.

As I cautiously placed a foot into the steaming hot tub on the main floor of the hotel at which we were staying, I noticed my body traveling lightyears closer to heaven. My muscles, aching from the ride, one by one, began to loosen and the scalding waters ran up to happily greet them. I sat down, and rested my weary head on a comfortable leather backing. I let the jets do the work. It was like a divine massage, three beautiful women, working at loosening all the tensions in my body at once. I let my eyelids slide shut as I felt my hormones being released and my heart skip a beat. My entire body was being rubbed down. Now that I look back on the whole experience, it was not unlike an obese Chinese lady rubbing me down in a sleazy downtown massage parlor. Anyhow, the thick steam rose into my eyes and I breathed it through my nose, as the air above my head clouded over. My thighs, with the anticipation of certain love-making began to twitch and my throat let out a moan. My body convorted itself into an awkward position and my foot accidentally brushed up against a slab of fatty muscle tissue. I opened my eyes. Never before had I felt so uncomfortable to be amidst five tattooed, bandana-wearing bikers.

Notable headline seen on trip : "Mexicans sneak into U.S. unnanounced, giant sling-shot used."

Mindless garb section, RIGHT HERE!, with the joke of the day :

Drunk fuck - "A piece of rope walks into a bar-" (Pauses for mouthful of beer)

Me, impatiently - "Whammy!"

In other exciting news, happy birthday politics of the business (still relatively dung-beetle free!), who turned 1 on August 25th, 2004. Thank you, thank you. What a great honor this is, and will continue to be. Please refer to disclaimer.