Politics of the Business

Wow, do I ever love all these "Canadian jokes" I'm being sent over email.

Wow, I'm Canadian, you're Canadian, thanks asshole.

What is the significance of these jokes and letters bashing Americans and their culture? Am I missing something, or have we already become an independent country? So where is the need for teenagers who know absolutely nothing about politics to take it upon themselves to make the "point" that we are better than our neighboors to the south.

Yet, even as we are so happily passing around these "entertaining" jokes, did it ever occur to anyone what Americans think when they read them? Hmm.... "Gee guys, these Canadians sure are a lot smarter then we've cracked them up to be".

Yes exactly.

So shut the fuck up.

Notice the new-ish layout? Good I thought you would.
Also, I just wanted to welcome "O'carreigh Carr" to the team here at politics. We're all really hoping to hear from him shortly. If you'd like to see some of the mindless shit he churned out before he decided to come with us... Go here: no shit I meant here: damnit you assholes let me put in the link to here: here
...Bastards...


Anyhow, this brings me to the start of what I would like to proclaim as being some of the most disturbing content on TV today. I'm talking of course about the new McDonalds commercial.

If you haven't already seen it, it features a bunch of asshole little kids at a birthday party sitting around eating the shit little asshole kids love most. Then one little guy decides to yell out, in betwen mouthfuls of old garage doors, old christmas trees and old dog shit that "They changed the McNuggets you guys!" Then putting down his orange pop (what is it about that stereotype where old people just decided the orange is the universal flavor that all kids like?) some other kid demands to know "Who changed the McNuggets?". And so on.. they feature as many aspiring child actors and actresses before the original kis takes a bite out of the "new" McNugget and as all the others stay very quiet in heated anticipation (Drum Role).. "They're good!" Or some shit like that. Then the asshole (biggest asshole ever) announcer guy comes on with his fancy assed "McDicks' now uses all white meat in their Chicken McNuggets"

I was shocked and appauled. Moments after the commercial ended and the new Lancer commercial came on (actually I'm not this obsessed with memorizing what commercials I see.. I just thought I would mention that commercial because if you happen to see it the song that plays in the background is from on of the best underground rap acts ever)... Anyways, moments after the new Lancer commercial came I found myself over the toilet bowl throwing out my vita internal organs. Jesus, who needs their Liver and Pancreas after seeing that commercial?

My question is, what exactly was I filling my mouth with back when I was younger and would exclaim to my pa, "A happy meal daddy!! Chicken McNuggets!!"

I guess I was wrong:

There never was Chicken in my Nuggets.

Like what the fuck? What the fuck is next?
"Oh yeah.. sorry we didn't tell you assholes this earlier, but uhh we fucked up. But don't worry, McDonalds now promises that when you eat a burger from our restaurants*, you'll be eating genuine beef! The real thing people! McDonalds now uses all beef in our patties!" Great, just great. Just when i thought commercials couldn't lie to me anymore then they already had, they did. Let's think here for a moment. Now, I'm the consumer right? And since we live in this free anarchist society, shouldn't my spendings influence what products are being produced? Then technically wouldn't it be possible that people stopped buying McDonalds with the aspiration of one day having a clean society?
The answer: no. Partly because little kids will always be eager to coat their gums in shit, and they will always want to rub Ronald's belly. Shit, no! That's Buddha. My mistake...

Furthermore, and even though McDonalds has posted their first second quarter losses ever. (Not a spelling error people, a term and the word "first"). There will always be people, whether it be the classic stereotype of the greasy asshole teenager who spits in your burger or the senior citizen who doesn't make enough on retirement alone, there will always be those willing to burn themselves on the "grills" for 5.90 an hour. There is, of course always the appeal of the uniforms.. but I'm not so sure if those are actually a step ahead of orange jumpsuits.
In the end, there is still no place more charming then behind the grease bin, making out with your shift manager. Pending of course, that the corporation* gives you a break.


Note on the asterisks*: I use those terms loosely... very... very loosely people.

So there I was. Sitting down to read my email when i accidentally launched Internet Explorer. Now, as it should be obvious by now, my homepage, just like yours, is set to www.google.com. And as i was sitting there on that fine Sunday morning after a refreshing swim in the pool after a night of.. well it doesn't matter. The point is, well there isn't a point. And that it the end turns out to be my point. So bear with me for a moment.

So there i was. Internet Explorer now open, by mistake, and my emails also layed out for reading. Then it donned on me, there might be more to searching google than just pushing the button. And there was, as I looked to right.. A very painful glance mind you, I happened to glimpse another button. Yes, as shocking as it may be, these "computers" are doing amazing things. Long story short, the button said "I'm Feeling Lucky" and i pressed it. The emotions built up inside of me... The happiness that I had not felt in so long... The sensation of knowing that today was my day!

And then, much to my disagreement, I was confronted with this. And yes, was I ever dissapointed. Being computer illerate I found no other solution than to crawl back, back to the crawlspace from where I arose.

Oh, although I did buy some Laramie Slims and go to the bingo hall later on.

Did I mention my day was ruined?

A feature film Chronicling the lives of 4 latter day renaissance men. Or to use the correct twentieth century terminology:

Hosers

A strong blend of public destruction, painful humour, and "pissed himself" doing what he does best.

Over two hours long and chock-full of the best skurfing, bush jumping, and EERM recruitment anyone has ever seen.

So there I was, minding my own business, kicking ass, eating good food quickly, and of course, watching Seinfeld.
So there I was, and then out of nowhere: my life was ruined! (roll your "r" for the full effect). Someone stepped on my silk tie, sprayed mud on my bad ass wooden pirate leg and stepped on my toe. The later pissed me off the most.
So there I was, and I made the mistake of looking up. Because there was Chump Change who had just stepped in my shit.

I quickly countered with a double kick to her head, as i drew my bad ass pirate sword and sliced those guts open. I then layed down some fuckin' "A"wesome martial arts tactics that I had acquired early that day from my bad ass buddy Jet Li. At that point I remembered the chainsaw I had in my back pocket of my slacks (sure now you're going to tell me that pirates don't wear slacks? yeah! well argh, go fuck yourself). Within an instant I had pulled it out and primed 'er good. The humming of the chain was nothing compared to the screams Chump Change let out while her vital internal organs played a game of chess with my 400 rpms.

Later on the cops picked me up outside my upscale Manhattan apartment complex. I was smoking a cigar at the time and I cooly rolled it into my mouth with the tip of my toungue. I chewed it up good, with my bad ass pirate molars and then proclaimed "Jesus, what took you so long?"