Monday, September 22, 2003
Get Stupid
blog blog blog ba-ba-ba blog blog blog...
I think it's important that everyone reads the Far Side at least once every couple of days. Anything with cows is funny. In my books cows are right up alongside stereoytyping. Just like Mme Piano; but really, who gives a shit about her jackass assumptions anyways? It's anyones own fault when they decide to stock a whole group - men. The underlying message is that we are here to stay (gasp), and we still don't take shit from anybody.
On a later note...
*Note to my secretary: Cancel that female rights protest I had planned for next weekend...
I think it's important that everyone reads the Far Side at least once every couple of days. Anything with cows is funny. In my books cows are right up alongside stereoytyping. Just like Mme Piano; but really, who gives a shit about her jackass assumptions anyways? It's anyones own fault when they decide to stock a whole group - men. The underlying message is that we are here to stay (gasp), and we still don't take shit from anybody.
On a later note...
*Note to my secretary: Cancel that female rights protest I had planned for next weekend...
Sunday, September 07, 2003
Exit Music
"I played Man in Coffee Shop #3 in "insert movie nobody gave a shit about" - Biggest asshole ever.
Guess What? That's right : Nobody Cares.
I'm sick of hearing about everyones greatest minor achievements in life. Wow, you actually spent 30 seconds on the radio? or, You were really in the background of the six o'clock news last night? Let's take a minute here to reflect on how much this actually matters. First of all, if everyone were to mention their most inane achievement in life the average life expectancy in North America would go down by at least 5 years, not that this is a bad thing, because after all euthanasia isn't yet legalized (it's called suicide) and there are obviously people who are just yearning to drop dead. Not only that we would all lose valuable brain cells, but we all become dumber merely listening to these stories of great accomplishment. Maybe, just maybe, and I'm talking about probabilities here, if everyone spent a few extra minutes each day sparing everyone else from what is known as pure bullshit or if you're a fan of maddox "aural pollution" we could avoid another terrorist attack in an attempt to eliminate North America of idiocy. Look at the terrorists! They've done something with their lives! Why haven't you?
Just this summer I was forced to put up with a story about how heroically my friend managed to appear on some news show on TV. As she told many of her friends to watch that night, I'm positive none did. Just for arguments sake let's say that she appeared on a Fox "late night" edition of Cops, where the coveted role of "Domestic Disturbance #643" was given to her and her family. The ratings would have gone up. Nonetheless, playing a part in my social life is enough, you don't have to ruin my TV as well.
Guess What? That's right : Nobody Cares.
I'm sick of hearing about everyones greatest minor achievements in life. Wow, you actually spent 30 seconds on the radio? or, You were really in the background of the six o'clock news last night? Let's take a minute here to reflect on how much this actually matters. First of all, if everyone were to mention their most inane achievement in life the average life expectancy in North America would go down by at least 5 years, not that this is a bad thing, because after all euthanasia isn't yet legalized (it's called suicide) and there are obviously people who are just yearning to drop dead. Not only that we would all lose valuable brain cells, but we all become dumber merely listening to these stories of great accomplishment. Maybe, just maybe, and I'm talking about probabilities here, if everyone spent a few extra minutes each day sparing everyone else from what is known as pure bullshit or if you're a fan of maddox "aural pollution" we could avoid another terrorist attack in an attempt to eliminate North America of idiocy. Look at the terrorists! They've done something with their lives! Why haven't you?
Just this summer I was forced to put up with a story about how heroically my friend managed to appear on some news show on TV. As she told many of her friends to watch that night, I'm positive none did. Just for arguments sake let's say that she appeared on a Fox "late night" edition of Cops, where the coveted role of "Domestic Disturbance #643" was given to her and her family. The ratings would have gone up. Nonetheless, playing a part in my social life is enough, you don't have to ruin my TV as well.
Electioneering
Notice to all you girls out there who just can't resist having your "bffl"* solve your boy problems for you : you're not doing the right thing.
Let's take a moment here and point out that girls are always requesting that their friend ask the boy they like questions about themselves. Of course, these friends are not the type to intervene and argue that, if their friend could simply approach the guy themselves, his respect for her might just not dissapear. All my life I've had trouble deciding why girls are so happy to have everyone else, but not the only person who matters (for those of you who are lost : I'm talking about the guy they like), fully aware of their crush. Try being honest, but hypothetically, and believe me, this happens, the girl is just too shy to come right out and admit these feelings that will be gone two months from now. Then perhaps the right way to go may be to consider your other options. And no, I'm not talking about having your friend go talk for you.
Female Rights Activists Got You This Far, Why Become A Hypocrite Now?
Do yourself and everyone around you a favor, keep it to yourself until your moment comes. Oh and don't worry about not getting to voice your opinions, because this moment I've spoke about will come. Yet believe me, there is nothing more convincing than a shrill female telling the world/their crush/their friends/their food, its many flaws. Even more convincing is to have someone represent you and change the things that you have said for what they think is the better, and then having to go to all the trouble of getting pissed off at them for making that mistake. Why is it that everyone is just out to make more problems for themselves? Wouldn't it just be easier to keep your problems between those people that are directly affected as opposed to losing an argument before you even open your mouth?
*For those of us who haven't yet had the opportunity to learn this great term, I threw up when told it is an acronym for "best friends for life".
Let's take a moment here and point out that girls are always requesting that their friend ask the boy they like questions about themselves. Of course, these friends are not the type to intervene and argue that, if their friend could simply approach the guy themselves, his respect for her might just not dissapear. All my life I've had trouble deciding why girls are so happy to have everyone else, but not the only person who matters (for those of you who are lost : I'm talking about the guy they like), fully aware of their crush. Try being honest, but hypothetically, and believe me, this happens, the girl is just too shy to come right out and admit these feelings that will be gone two months from now. Then perhaps the right way to go may be to consider your other options. And no, I'm not talking about having your friend go talk for you.
Female Rights Activists Got You This Far, Why Become A Hypocrite Now?
Do yourself and everyone around you a favor, keep it to yourself until your moment comes. Oh and don't worry about not getting to voice your opinions, because this moment I've spoke about will come. Yet believe me, there is nothing more convincing than a shrill female telling the world/their crush/their friends/their food, its many flaws. Even more convincing is to have someone represent you and change the things that you have said for what they think is the better, and then having to go to all the trouble of getting pissed off at them for making that mistake. Why is it that everyone is just out to make more problems for themselves? Wouldn't it just be easier to keep your problems between those people that are directly affected as opposed to losing an argument before you even open your mouth?
*For those of us who haven't yet had the opportunity to learn this great term, I threw up when told it is an acronym for "best friends for life".
